We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
