Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
