I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
