You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
