first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
