I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
