omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
