In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Holy shit dude........stairs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
