I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
