Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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