We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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