There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
