Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize