I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize