So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
