She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
