Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
