I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
