meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
