I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
