wrigley field is MILF paradise
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
