im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize