Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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