The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize