Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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