I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
