Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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