I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
