I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize