Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the day after is always just damage control
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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