I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
