He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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