You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
