I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
