Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
