you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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