Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
