cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
