just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
bring money and cleavage
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
