what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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