She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
