Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
