More tranny stories later!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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