I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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