We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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