just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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