ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
