i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
