she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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