My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He passed out mid-signature
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
