there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
