I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
