I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
