she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
