So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
