Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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