I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
