I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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