I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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