We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
