youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
