Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
either way he was missing a nipple.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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