just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
