There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
