omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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