STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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