I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
